It’s terrifying to put this out in the world, because what if you’re reading it, and I weigh just as much as I did three years ago? Will you judge me and laugh at my presumptiveness? Will you forward to your friends and say snotty things? These are the questions running through my head.
Although I feel comfortable in my own skin right now, that is not always the case. And I get anxious thinking about the fact that someone might one day read this and call me a hypocrite, because I’m definitely not 15 lbs. less than I was in college. It’s a silly fear to have, but one that I’m going to allow myself. Weight in America is so fraught with emotion and judgement and pressure and obsession, it would be a little weird and self-indulgent if I were to waltz in and claim that I have the silver bullet and that I’ll probably love the way I look forever now. My work here is done!
No, I don’t think that’s how it’s going to be. I can already tell you there will be times when I look at myself and struggle to think positively or speak loving words or not restrict unhealthily after putting on five pounds. Because honestly, it happens every week. But at least I have the tools to help me get back to the headspace where I can.
One of my deepest hopes is that we can all be more publicly honest about this issue, rather than hiding our struggles out of fear of judgement or shame. We have to know we’re not alone.
Some people will never have to work this hard
Isn’t that crazy? It is to me. I’ve felt such a sense of disgust for not just my body, but for my entire being, at more than one point in my life. That might sound dramatic, but isn’t everything when you’re young? It doesn’t even matter how insignificant the suffering is in the grand scheme of things, because pain is relative. If the worst thing in your life is the fact that you don’t feel like you can love your body, it’s still an awful, painful thing in your life. Some people will not be able to empathize with this sentiment, and, to be honest, I hope that’s the future for everyone.
But if you’re reading this and thinking about how crazy it is that someone (i.e. me) would need to have regular conversations with their inner child so that they don’t eat themselves into a coma regularly, just know that you’re one of the lucky ones.
Other mindfulness strategies for losing weight
There’s a massive community online that have already figured out that this is the most effective way to arrive at a loving, respectful, and proud relationship with your body. Here’s some sentiments from one of my absolute favorite wellness sites, Greatist.com: