Blue Sky Mind's 12 Most Popular Posts of 2018

In 2018, Blue Sky Mind saw 4,000 unique individuals come across the site. It saw 30-something new blog posts published, some of which were viewed up to 500 times. That’s something I’m proud of.

In 2018, Blue Sky Mind’s had its first full year out in universe. As its keeper, I wanted to reflect on the experience, in all its highs and lows.

The highs you’ll find below. That’s where I’m sharing my postes with the mostes from the year.

As for the lows…honesty hour. Most of my blog posts were seen by fewer than 100 people in 2018. And if you happened to notice, my publishing frequency has steadily dropped from one post a week, to two posts a month, to one post a month…maybe. I’m struggling to produce quality content at the rate that I’d like while having a full time job and personal life. My subscribers (the ultimate prize for any blogger) are steadily ticking up, but remain at a fairly small number.

But that’s ok. I’m just getting started! No one every said the first year of blogging would be glamorous. I’m exceedingly proud that 4,000 people would be able to find my way to their words over the course of a year. Some of those people even felt compelled to reach out with kind words of appreciation or encouragement. To all of you who’ve supported me through this first year, I am so grateful.

Please join me in celebrating one full year of writing by revisiting Blue Sky Mind’s top ten most popular blog posts of the year, along with two of my personal favorites.

The 10 Most Popular Blue Sky Mind Posts of 2018

1. Thankful Journal #1

This was the first gratitude journal I ever published on BSM, which I wrote basically as a reflection on 2017 using the “six core needs” framework. I think that people were hungry for some positivity in the face of a tough year (politically and professionally for me). To me, gratitude is that soothing balm that allows me to bring all that is right in my life to the forefront of my minds.

2. Lisbon, Portugal: Itinerary & Tips

In December of 2017, I traveled to Spain & Portugal with my mom and grandparents. We hit all the hotspots, including Barcelona, Madrid, Lisbon, and Porto. I’m a notorious over-planner when it comes to international travel, so in each of my guides, I share the who/what/where/etc. and our meticulously planned itinerary. I like to think that I do the research (and make the mistakes) so that you don’t have to.

3. 10 Questions With A Badass Female Solo Traveler: A First Timer's Guide

This is one of my personal favorites from the year, because I got to capture the incredible solo travel story of one of my very best friends. This is an inspiring read for anyone who has contemplated jetting off to spend three months exploring Southeast Asia (or any part of the world, for that matter).

4. Using Mindfulness for Weight Loss: How I Lost 15 lbs. in Three Years

On the one hand, I’m happy that perhaps my most vulnerable post of 2018 landed in the top five; it means that I’m not the only one who cares about their weight and struggles to manage it at times. On the other hand, it’s scary to open up about something as shame-laden as your own weight and difficulties in managing it; it means people are free to judge me for my lack of willpower or hyper-sensitivity to my appearance. But it wouldn’t be authentic for me to pretend like this didn’t matter to me a whole lot. So in this post, I share a little more about my weight journey and ultimately the strategies / lifestyle changes that allowed me to arrive at a very happy place with my body.

5. What Is Mindful Eating? 10 Experts Define It In One Sentence

I like to write about positive psychology and healthy eating, but let’s be honest -- I’m clearly not the expert. Everything I believe to be true I’ve read in books or on the internet. They are intellectual and scientific opinions from experts who are far more qualified to explain an idea or phenomenon than I. That’s why when I sought to explain the concept of mindful eating -- to which I am completely devoted -- I pulled together the most resonant definitions from doctors, dietitians, and medical associations.

6. Traveling To Cambodia: What To Wear & Packing List

Is packing not one of the most stressful activities we are asked to do on a regular basis? I believe yes, and that is why I am low-key insane about my pre-travel packing lists. I do spreadsheets, hardcore research, and create a mindful time/space for the actual packing itself to take place. In this post, I publicize said research and final list for my 2018 trip to Cambodia, so that others have a comprehensive base to work off of (as well as my trial and error learnings).

7. Winter in Barcelona, Spain: 3-Day Itinerary

When I plan a trip, I’m trying to maximize my time there. To me, it’s part of being purposeful about my travel -- how do I see and learn the most from this 28-hour round trip plane ride? Read on for where to stay and what to eat / drink in Barcelona, Spain, as well as the perfect 3-day itinerary.

8. Happy Travel: The Ultimate 9-Day Cambodia Itinerary

I started labeling my travel posts with the term “happy travel” this year, because I feel like it encapsulates how I try to plan my vacations. Equal parts adventure, history/culture and relaxation. Mind you, there is never a trip where every moment is happy. But, there is a way to be mindful about where you travel, why and what you do when you get there. Kevin and I’s trip to Cambodia is the perfect example of this effort.

9. What I Learned From "The Happiness Advantage: 7 Principles of Positive Psychology" [Cheatsheet]

Guys, meet the book that started it all. I had never heard the term “positive psychology” until someone gifted me this book in 2016. To this day, it’s my favorite book written on the subject and this post spells out the topline takeaways that everyone can benefit from. Read the cheatsheet to see if checking out the book might be a strong move for you.

10. Spain & Portugal in the Winter: Packing List

This trip again! When I went to Spain & Portugal last December, I was in for a bit of a rude awakening. It’s COLD in December. It is not the warm sunny southern Europe that everyone pictures. So that changes the packing list just a little bit. No, sorry, it changes it a lot. If you’re making your way to that part of the world at this time of year, I would encourage you to pack your warmest coat and take a peek at this list.

2 Small But Mighty Posts on Blue Sky Mind

These posts didn’t get the most attention this year, but when people landed on them, they spent a long time reading. I think that’s a pretty good indication that these posts might be uniquely helpful, and therefore worth elevating for a second look.

1. Thankful Journal #2

Here’s another post centered on the fact that life throws you a curveball now and then (like falling deathly ill at Coachella), but gratitude is the most powerful mental medicine of all. I think it’s also an ode to the simple moments and things in life that can often go unnoticed, but can be such a powerful influence for joy (like cherry blossoms or having breakfast with friends).

2. What I Learned from “The Science of Happiness,” Yale’s Most Popular Course of All Time (Part 1)

I’m really proud of this post. Basically, I took Yale’s seminal positive psychology course online and took all the notes and synthesized them for you guys. This is truly part 1 of everything you need to know about positive psychology and how to harness its power for your life. Follow it with part 2 of my course notes for a comprehensive crash course.

It’s been an amazing year of learning -- how to write good content, what type of content you guys like to read, what I like to write myself, etc. It wasn’t the year that I was able to produce content the most consistently, but I hope that is something I’m better able to manage in 2019.

Ultimately, nothing makes me happier or is truer to the mission of this site than helping educate and inspire busy professionals to make simple, permanent improvements to their happiness. Thanks for reading and I hope to see more of you in 2019!

To stay on top of my semi-monthly musings, subscribe to Blue Sky Mind.

Want To Be 10% Happier? Author Dan Harris Thinks He Has The Secret

Do you like funny autobiographies that make you laugh and feel less alone? How bout a sprinkling of self-help, geared toward becoming a happier, more successful person? You'll probably like 10% Happier by Dan Harris. 

I got this on audiobook through my local library. Pro tip: If you have a library card, you can just download the Hoopla app on your phone and gain access to tons of awesome audiobooks. The title of this one alone compelled me to give it a listen. 

Here's the quick who, what, why on one of my latest favorite reads. 

Who & What is 10% Happier Is About: 

• Dan Harris is a newscaster on ABC who suffered from a full blown panic attack on live TV. Woof. 
• In this autobiography, he details what happened leading up to this incident (egotism, drugs, alcohol, etc.) and then how he recovered.
• It's a very dry, humorous journey through mindfulness and meditation, explained in super simple terms and in a very relatable, self-deprecating voice.

Why You Should Read 10% Happier: 

• If you identify as a very normal person who is highly skeptical about the idea of mindfulness, this is a great place to get a lot of your initial questions out of the way. 
• Dan gets super vulnerable and real with his struggles, both up until he adopted mindfulness and while he was trying to make it work in his everyday life. Great read for working professionals. 
• It's also a New York Times Bestseller, so that doesn't hurt. 

Useful Stuff I Learned from 10% Happier:

• Ask yourself: Is this thought useful to me? If not, can I let it go? 
• Adopt the RAIN technique for mindfully addressing your thoughts or emotions:
  • Recognize: Oh, I'm feeling this way! 
  • Allow: Awh, it's okay to feel like that. 
  • Investigate: Hm, I wonder why I'm feeling this way. 
  • Non-attachment: Good thing this feeling a) will pass & b) doesn't define me. 
• Buddhism is just advanced common sense, not some foo-foo Eastern religion nonsense. 
• Everything changes. Nothing fully satisfies. Learn it quick & learn it good. 

Dan's "10 Buddhist Principles for the Corporate Warrior"

1. Don’t be a jerk: Compassion is a virtuous cycle and wins you allies.
2. When necessary, hide the Zen: Sometimes you need to compete aggressively or assert yourself at work.
3. Meditate: It's the superpower that makes all the other principles possible.
4. The price of security is insecurity, until it’s not useful: Figure out when worrying is worthwhile & when its not. For instance, hunger & perfectionism can be powerful when harnessed. Remember to think: Is this thought useful to me? Then weaponize each thought to perform an action. 
5. Calm is not the enemy of creativity: You can definitely be calm and creative at the same time. Revolutionary! 
6. Don’t force it: Listen to your body, listen to your heart. If meditation is not going to help you today, you don't HAVE to do it. With mindfulness, you never have to berate yourself for doing or not doing anything. 
7. Humility prevents humiliation: Humility sands the ego off of the comparing mind. 
8. Go easy with the internal cattle prod: Self talk is more effective when firm, but kind. "Firm, but kind" might be my personal life motto these days. 
9. Non-attachment to results: Another way to say, "It's about the journey, not the destination." Do things you enjoy doing for the sake of them, rather than for the potential results they could bring. Super salient in terms of fitness -- find something you enjoy practicing (like yoga or walking), so that it doesn't matter whether or not you see results in your body. 
10. Ask, “What matters most?” Is it success for suffering? Or being kind & doing something awesome? 

Additional Resources:

• Great review by James Clear
• 10% Happier podcast

Up Next: Read What I Learned From "The Happiness Advantage: 7 Principles of Positive Psychology"

What I Learned from “The Science of Happiness,” Yale’s Most Popular Course of All Time (Part 2)

Pause. If you’re reading this post and haven't read part 1 of the series, I would encourage you to take quick gander before reading on. In part 1, I talk through why your brain wants the wrong things and how you can make it chill.

In part 2, we’ll explore “better ways of wanting” and the science-backed habits you can put in place to help your brain experience lasting joy.  

Science says a couple of things will make you truly happy

Let’s talk through them one by one, starting with some of the least obvious.

Employ your signature strengths

A signature strength is one that is widely recognized, valued by society, fulfilling, positive, and distinctive. The VIA Institute of Character has formally recognized 24 signature strengths, including:

VIA Character Strengths Grid from Kylee Lessard

I would encourage each & every one of you to take the character strength survey on VIA’s website to identify your top strengths. My top five are:

1. Love

2. Social intelligence

3. Gratitude

4. Hope

5. Love of learning

What do you do with this knowledge once you have it? You start trying to align your life with your signature strengths. Research shows that the more signature strengths you employ in your daily life, whether at work or in your hobbies or relationships, the happier and more fulfilled you will be!

My favorite tip for adding more of this in your everyday life? Plan a signature strength-themed date with your significant other. All you have to do is find out yours and their top strengths, and plan a date that involves one of each of your strengths. This article by the VIA breaks down a couple ideal activities for each signature strength.

Another idea is to assess your signature strengths and then review how many of those in the top 5-10 you’re using in your current workday. If it’s not the majority, you may consider looking into a career that better aligns with your natural talents. Studies show you’re more likely to view your career as a calling when your work aligns with your signature strengths.

Investing your time even more carefully than your money

I love the term “time affluence,” because it’s so rich in juxtaposition. Affluence is a term generally reserved for the uber wealthy, and thus, this phrase insinuates that time is a form of wealth. Research backs it up.

There is always a trade-off between time and money. More money = less time, and more time = less money. Americans are split 50/50 in terms of what they value more. What’s exciting is that the those who favor time affluence are generally happier.

Elizabeth Dunn, author of Happier Money, says this about the dichotomy:

“Money can buy happiness. People who have more tend to be happier. [But] when you feel constantly stressed, rushed, busy, like you can’t get to all of the things that you want to do, you’re much less happy. [And] the wealthier you are, the more likely you are to feel like you don’t have enough time.”

Elizabeth offers a great tip that I’ve already started acting on: Use money to alleviate the annoying points of your day. That’s how you’ll get more SMILEAGE (yes, I made that up, I am so punny) out of your money.

What’s the takeaway here? Once your basic needs are met by your income, prioritize your time over more money.

Connect socially with your loved ones & strangers alike

One half of this statement is easy to understand, and the other is extremely counterintuitive (at least to me and lots of people in psych studies). It’s a well known fact that our relationships are by and large the most important factor in our long-term happiness.

What’s little known and much more surprising is that some of the same benefits you get from chatting with your mom or your best friend can be found in talking to a stranger. In a 2014 study by Epley & Schroeder called “Mistakenly Seeking Solitude,” researchers find that:

"Talking to strangers makes us happy. Even if you are reluctant to talk to a stranger, you and the stranger get a happiness boost after talking to each other.”

As someone who takes public transit to and from work every day, I find this fascinating. I am one of the majority who prefers to get on the bus silently (with headphones in), sit down, open my book, read until my stop, get off (still silent), and never utter a word to my own damn neighbors.

And heaven forbid if someone tries to talk to me or worse, I know someone on the bus and we make eye contact and now I have to talk to them. Uhg. I just want to read my book.

But there’s the silly old miswanting mind again. Because it’s so true -- after every social exchange that I’d dreaded up until the first word, I walked away happier from the experience than I would have reading my book or listening to a podcast.

I love this quote by one of the writers of the paper, Nicholas Epley:

“Everybody has an interesting story to tell. You just have to ask them.”

Find out where you flow

Flow is defined as a mental state where you’re doing an activity you really enjoy and are fully immersed. It’s characterized by the following statements:

• Challenging, but attainable

• Strong, focused concentration

• The activity is intrinsically rewarding

• Feeling of serenity

• Loss of self consciousness

• Losing track of time

• Loss of awareness of bodily needs (hunger, bathroom)

• Complete focus on the activity itself

For some people, flow is playing basketball, or singing, or being a parent. For me, the closest thing I’ve found to flow is getting lost in a good book or writing about positive psychology.

If you’re looking for something to chase in life or in your career, chase flow. As mentioned above, some of the best signals for what will help you achieve flow are your signature strengths.

Practice a growth mindset

By now, many of us are familiar with Carol Dweck’s book on the growth mindset. In it, her basic assertion is that:

“People with a fixed mindset (those who believe that abilities are fixed) are less likely to flourish than those with a growth mindset (those who believe that abilities can be developed).”

An easy way to practice a growth mindset in your daily life is to lead with curiosity when you fail. For instance, consider these two common, negative events and positive reframings:

• Going through a breakup → What did I learn from this? How will that help me find a better partner in the future?

• Food guilt from eating too much → What factors caused me to do this? How can I manage those for next time so that I feel pleasantly full, not stuffed?

Meditate!

I can't stress this one enough, as it’s the piece of the positive psychology puzzle that has transformed my life.

Did you know that our mind is wandering from the present moment approximately 46% of the time? Just about the only time it’s not is -- surprise, surprise -- during sex. One scientist described mind-wandering as a “cognitive feat that comes at an emotional cost.” It’s both a blessing and curse that we’re able to ruminate on the past and plan for the future. The curse part is that we spend very little time in the present moment, enjoying the here and now.

So how do we reduce the amount of mind-wandering our brain naturally wants to do? MEDITATION. Meditation is defined as the practice of turning your attention away from distracting thoughts to one focal point, like the breath, body, sensations, or compassion.

I’ll summarize three key studies for you, because the research here is important:

1. Brewer et al. (2011): This study put expert meditators with over 10,000 hours of practice into an fMRI scanner while they were meditating. Researchers were looking at how your default brain network is activated during the act of meditation. What they found was that meditation significantly shuts down the default network (responsible for mind-wandering) and lights up other, more disparate parts as different connections are being made across the brain.

2. Holzel et al. study: This study looked at the amount of gray matter in the brain before and after a mindfulness program. It found that with just 30 minutes of meditation a day over 8 weeks was enough to build brain tissue and strengthen the brain over time. Grey matter is "known to be important for learning and memory, and in structures associated with self-awareness, compassion, and introspection."

3. Fredrickson et al. (2008): This paper tells us that loving-kindness meditation makes you happier. It does so by increasing positive emotions, thereby increasing a given individual's personal resources from which they can draw life satisfaction.

Get enough sleep

You know this. I know this. Scientists know this. In one of the most basic, but telling studies, they compared normal folks who got 7 hours of sleep with sleep deprived folks who got 5 hours. What they found was a significant decrease in mood and positive emotions for the deprived group.

Another incredible study found that the number of physical and emotional complaints an individual has about their current situation skyrockets when they aren't sleeping enough. Incredible because THIS IS ME. I am such a whineypants when I don't sleep well, like I truly think everything about my life sucks and is hopeless. Sleep is integral to my being a good person. 

For a good overview on the health & mentality effects a lack of sleep has on the brain, check out this handy infographic from HuffPost:

Lose Sleep, Lose Your Mind Infographic from Kylee Lessard

Prioritize exercise

One of the best things I discovered for my bodily health is that exercise actually makes you happier. Not just because it helps you look banging in them jeans, but because it changes your brain chemistry. To look banging in this life!! Lame joke alert.

The best study I can quote is the one that found that just 30 minutes of exercise 3 times per week produced happiness effects better than Zoloft. Zoloft is one of the leading anti-depressant medications.

I love this finding, because it helps illustrate that some of our most powerful resources for improved health are right at our fingertips, accessible and scaleable en mass.

Be kind with your words and actions

We are happier when we use our time and money to benefit other people. This is important to remember in the daily ebb & flow of our busy lives.

Research suggests that once your income hits at about the $70K mark, or where most of your basic needs are being met (food, shelter, clothes, etc.), you don't stand to gain anymore happiness from increased income. To me, this is an important as I start think about how to become more time affluent (ie. deprioritizing certain activities), while still living a happy life.

Prioritizing acts of kindness toward others is what will bring me happiness in the long term. Fewer hours at work, more hours volunteering. 

TL; DR

Stop prioritizing things that will make you richer or better looking or more successful in some way. Don’t stop doing them altogether, just consider how you might better use the 9th or 10th hour you would have put in at work. Maybe it’s hitting the gym and meditating. Maybe it’s taking a new class with a friend.

Instead, start prioritizing:

• Your signature strengths

• Time affluence/free time

• Social connections

• Flow & growth mindset

• Sleep

• Exercise

• Meditation/present moment

• Acts of kindness

• Gratitude

• Experiences

I’m working on kindness & time affluence

I’ve been consuming positive psych content for many years now, so I’m well versed in the benefits of friends, sleep, exercise & meditation. The benefits of kindness and time affluence are relatively new to me, though.

To test these new habits, I’m focusing on: 

1. Saying no to more things and very purposefully budgeting & spending my time (like one might with money).

2. Little things I can do to make the lives of others better. Whether that's helping out at work, cleaning around the house, or sending a kind text out of the blue.

Here’s my challenge to you: Pick one new scientifically-back happiness hack and try focusing on adding it to your life over the next week or two. Pay attention to your quality of life, and see if you might benefit from long-term adoption of some of these habits.

Up next: Read What I Learned from "The Happiness Advantage: 7 Principles of Positive Psychology"