The Self Reflection Journal Prompts You Need to Start 2019

Every year, since I was maybe ten, I have taken some time at the beginning of the new year to reflect on where I am in life and where I want to go. Granted, when I was ten, that simply involved listing out my favorite things at that point in time (ie. favorite color, food, activities, etc.) and reporting on some demographic logistics (for example, “I am ten, I have brown eyes and brown hair, I am five feet tall, etc.”).

Now that I’m older, that practice of cataloging the contents of my life has taken a slightly more gracious turn to include the practice of summoning gratitude for the many many blessing in my life.

This year, one of my favorite websites released a short guide about how to reflect on your year. I went through the exercises they recommended, and I wanted to share the results with you guys. Similar to last year’s gratitude journal, my hope is that it inspires you to reflect on your life in 2018 with joy and think about how to build upon your own success for an even better 2019.

Gratitude For Every Month in 2018

For my first task, the guide asked me to reflect on each month in 2018 and pull out at least one awesome thing that happened. I started by just trying to fill it in by memory, but once I got out my phone and started flipping through photos, I realized there were often far more than one awesome moment from each month in 2018.

Here’s my full list of awesome moments to be grateful for:

Traveling by boat to the Koh Rong islands in Cambodia

January

• Started my new job at LinkedIn!

• Fort Bragg with Kev; sunset at Sea Glass Beach

• Tahoe trip with Kev and friends; got back on a snowboard for first time in 8 years and was decent!

February

• Went to a very fun underground comedy show on a double date (plus Kev planned it, which was very cute)

March

• Kev and I spent two weeks in Cambodia with a quick stop in South Korea for our big international vacation of the year

April

• Went to Coachella for my 3rd time!

• Planned a successful surprise party for Kev <3

May

• Went to Boston for work; it was my first time there and I got to extend the trip to spend time with a BFF from college

June

• Went to Chicago for work

• Did a family trip to Lake Shasta

• Got to plan an incredible team offsite in Calistoga

• My grandpa got married again at age 75 <3

The sun setting over the lake at Orland Buttes.

July

• Went glamping for my birthday in Healdsburg; best birthday ever!

• Tahoe for Fourth of July

• Vegas for work; saw Bruno Mars!

• Went to London for a team offsite

August

• Family vacation / cruise to NOLA and the Caribbean

September

• Camping trip to Orland Buttes

• Kev surprised me with a Miquel concert!

• Paso Robles weekend; joined a wine club & bathed in hot springs

October

• My dad got married <3

• Visited another BFF in LA

November

• Mom visited SF for “Bring in Your Parents” Day at work; she was so proud of me working at such a great company

December

• Did my first live webinar at work and crushed it

• Got my full time offer at LinkedIn!

• Spent New Years in Tahoe surrounded by friends

I hadn’t done this exercise before, and it was really powerful. Toward the end of 2018, there were multiple stressors piling up on one another (hadn’t secured a full time job yet, roommate moving out over the holidays and other general anxieties). So I somewhat felt like I ended the year on a stressed, and therefore sour, note.

But when I look back on my year through this month by month lens of one incredible moment / opportunity after another, there’s no other way that I can think about my life than with satisfaction and gratitude. We all have stress, but we don’t all get to travel the country / world for work or the incredible Bay Area with friends, family and their loved one.

Life was made wonderful this year by these awesome coworkers.

What I’m Proud of in 2018

Here’s where things get familiar for me. Remember last year’s thankful journal, where I broke down all that I was grateful for in that year across a couple key areas of life? Well, here we go again:

Personal Life

• Wrote and produced a full year of Blue Sky Mind content, ending the year with 4K unique visitors and ~30 subscribers!

• Started investing more in my relationship with my two little brothers (it would be weird to say this if they read my blog but I’m 99% sure that they do not)

Professional Life

• Took an intelligent risk to move from ad sales into content marketing at the company I most admired, but as a contractor. Regardless, it was the most fulfilling role I’ve ever held

• And it translated into a full time job offer on an adjacent team!

Romantic Life

• Kevin and I went through a lot of ups and downs, but I’m proud of us for continuing to try to grow as a couple and not just give up when things got hard; I’m proud of the fact that we’re getting better at hard, but necessary, conversations and that we both do necessary introspection to be better when we come together.

Physical Life

• In 2018, I traveled all over the Bay Area, the US and the world:

  • Tahoe, Healdsburg, Fort Bragg, Paso Robles, Monterey, Calistoga, Shasta, Orland Buttes

  • Chicago, Boston, Minneapolis, Vegas, New Orleans, LA

  • London, Cambodia, South Korea, Jamaica

• Maintained a weight and appearance that I feel comfortable at and proud of, which is a crazy accomplishment, considering the BSM journey started with an outsize obsession with my physical appearance

Spiritual Life

• Continued meditating for 10 minutes almost every day and going to yoga at Grace Cathedral every Tuesday

• Started seeing a new therapist regularly

• Regularly read and wrote about mindfulness for BSM

Financial Life

• Finally became financially secure after struggling with money for 3 years living in the Bay Area

• Secured a full time job with great benefits and stability  

World’s cutest wedding date!

My Intentions for 2019

I wanted to take my annual reflection a step further this year and get really clear with myself about what I wanted out of 2019. For me, it’s less about setting hard goals and timelines and more about breathing consciously into a handful of growth and happiness-oriented intentions. Therefore…

In my personal life, I intend to:

• Expand upon BSM’s first year of success by continuing to produce content that lights me up from the inside

• Bring light and joy into my most important friendships; make sure those people know how much I love and appreciate them

• Bring more expansive love and energy to the world in general

• Finally start volunteering consistently, hopefully with the Braid Mission organization

In my professional life, I intend to:

• Absolutely kill it at my new job, while cutting back on my hours and mental involvement outside of the office, so that I can feel a greater sense of work life balance (which enhances my ability to perform while in the office)

In my romantic life, I intend to:

• Bring light, joy & energy into my relationship; this includes continuing to have difficult, loving conversations about what I need to be happy, but it demands that a selfless, loving headspace motivate each and every one of my actions

In my physical life, I intend to:

• Stay committed to my 3x1 exercise plan of working out three days per week with one day each of yoga, cardio and weight lifting  

• Be able to attend a Barry’s class without fear & also kill it

• Lower my resting heart rate to about 70 bpms (ie. putting the new Apple Watch to work)

In my spiritual life, I intend to:

• Read one book every three months about spirituality

• Continue going to therapy on a bi-weekly basis

• Find a new dharma talk podcast that I can listen to on a regular basis

In my financial life, I intend to:

• Save 20% of my earnings

• Continue earning and spending responsibly

• Set a legitimate limit on shopping every month and stick with it

2019’s Word is “Light”

To round out the exercise, I was asked to pick one word to represent my vision for 2019. I picked the word “light,” because it is what I want to bring to myself, my relationships, and the world. Light is free, expansive, and joyous to behold for most. It is weightless, unencumbered by heavy worries, doubts, and fears. I want that to be me in 2019. Unencumbered and delivering joy to the world.

What’s your word for 2019 and why? Share below in the comments :) And don’t forget to subscribe to Blue Sky Mind if this kind of self reflection is something you want delivered straight to your inbox on a monthly basis!

Blue Sky Mind's 12 Most Popular Posts of 2018

In 2018, Blue Sky Mind saw 4,000 unique individuals come across the site. It saw 30-something new blog posts published, some of which were viewed up to 500 times. That’s something I’m proud of.

In 2018, Blue Sky Mind’s had its first full year out in universe. As its keeper, I wanted to reflect on the experience, in all its highs and lows.

The highs you’ll find below. That’s where I’m sharing my postes with the mostes from the year.

As for the lows…honesty hour. Most of my blog posts were seen by fewer than 100 people in 2018. And if you happened to notice, my publishing frequency has steadily dropped from one post a week, to two posts a month, to one post a month…maybe. I’m struggling to produce quality content at the rate that I’d like while having a full time job and personal life. My subscribers (the ultimate prize for any blogger) are steadily ticking up, but remain at a fairly small number.

But that’s ok. I’m just getting started! No one every said the first year of blogging would be glamorous. I’m exceedingly proud that 4,000 people would be able to find my way to their words over the course of a year. Some of those people even felt compelled to reach out with kind words of appreciation or encouragement. To all of you who’ve supported me through this first year, I am so grateful.

Please join me in celebrating one full year of writing by revisiting Blue Sky Mind’s top ten most popular blog posts of the year, along with two of my personal favorites.

The 10 Most Popular Blue Sky Mind Posts of 2018

1. Thankful Journal #1

This was the first gratitude journal I ever published on BSM, which I wrote basically as a reflection on 2017 using the “six core needs” framework. I think that people were hungry for some positivity in the face of a tough year (politically and professionally for me). To me, gratitude is that soothing balm that allows me to bring all that is right in my life to the forefront of my minds.

2. Lisbon, Portugal: Itinerary & Tips

In December of 2017, I traveled to Spain & Portugal with my mom and grandparents. We hit all the hotspots, including Barcelona, Madrid, Lisbon, and Porto. I’m a notorious over-planner when it comes to international travel, so in each of my guides, I share the who/what/where/etc. and our meticulously planned itinerary. I like to think that I do the research (and make the mistakes) so that you don’t have to.

3. 10 Questions With A Badass Female Solo Traveler: A First Timer's Guide

This is one of my personal favorites from the year, because I got to capture the incredible solo travel story of one of my very best friends. This is an inspiring read for anyone who has contemplated jetting off to spend three months exploring Southeast Asia (or any part of the world, for that matter).

4. Using Mindfulness for Weight Loss: How I Lost 15 lbs. in Three Years

On the one hand, I’m happy that perhaps my most vulnerable post of 2018 landed in the top five; it means that I’m not the only one who cares about their weight and struggles to manage it at times. On the other hand, it’s scary to open up about something as shame-laden as your own weight and difficulties in managing it; it means people are free to judge me for my lack of willpower or hyper-sensitivity to my appearance. But it wouldn’t be authentic for me to pretend like this didn’t matter to me a whole lot. So in this post, I share a little more about my weight journey and ultimately the strategies / lifestyle changes that allowed me to arrive at a very happy place with my body.

5. What Is Mindful Eating? 10 Experts Define It In One Sentence

I like to write about positive psychology and healthy eating, but let’s be honest -- I’m clearly not the expert. Everything I believe to be true I’ve read in books or on the internet. They are intellectual and scientific opinions from experts who are far more qualified to explain an idea or phenomenon than I. That’s why when I sought to explain the concept of mindful eating -- to which I am completely devoted -- I pulled together the most resonant definitions from doctors, dietitians, and medical associations.

6. Traveling To Cambodia: What To Wear & Packing List

Is packing not one of the most stressful activities we are asked to do on a regular basis? I believe yes, and that is why I am low-key insane about my pre-travel packing lists. I do spreadsheets, hardcore research, and create a mindful time/space for the actual packing itself to take place. In this post, I publicize said research and final list for my 2018 trip to Cambodia, so that others have a comprehensive base to work off of (as well as my trial and error learnings).

7. Winter in Barcelona, Spain: 3-Day Itinerary

When I plan a trip, I’m trying to maximize my time there. To me, it’s part of being purposeful about my travel -- how do I see and learn the most from this 28-hour round trip plane ride? Read on for where to stay and what to eat / drink in Barcelona, Spain, as well as the perfect 3-day itinerary.

8. Happy Travel: The Ultimate 9-Day Cambodia Itinerary

I started labeling my travel posts with the term “happy travel” this year, because I feel like it encapsulates how I try to plan my vacations. Equal parts adventure, history/culture and relaxation. Mind you, there is never a trip where every moment is happy. But, there is a way to be mindful about where you travel, why and what you do when you get there. Kevin and I’s trip to Cambodia is the perfect example of this effort.

9. What I Learned From "The Happiness Advantage: 7 Principles of Positive Psychology" [Cheatsheet]

Guys, meet the book that started it all. I had never heard the term “positive psychology” until someone gifted me this book in 2016. To this day, it’s my favorite book written on the subject and this post spells out the topline takeaways that everyone can benefit from. Read the cheatsheet to see if checking out the book might be a strong move for you.

10. Spain & Portugal in the Winter: Packing List

This trip again! When I went to Spain & Portugal last December, I was in for a bit of a rude awakening. It’s COLD in December. It is not the warm sunny southern Europe that everyone pictures. So that changes the packing list just a little bit. No, sorry, it changes it a lot. If you’re making your way to that part of the world at this time of year, I would encourage you to pack your warmest coat and take a peek at this list.

2 Small But Mighty Posts on Blue Sky Mind

These posts didn’t get the most attention this year, but when people landed on them, they spent a long time reading. I think that’s a pretty good indication that these posts might be uniquely helpful, and therefore worth elevating for a second look.

1. Thankful Journal #2

Here’s another post centered on the fact that life throws you a curveball now and then (like falling deathly ill at Coachella), but gratitude is the most powerful mental medicine of all. I think it’s also an ode to the simple moments and things in life that can often go unnoticed, but can be such a powerful influence for joy (like cherry blossoms or having breakfast with friends).

2. What I Learned from “The Science of Happiness,” Yale’s Most Popular Course of All Time (Part 1)

I’m really proud of this post. Basically, I took Yale’s seminal positive psychology course online and took all the notes and synthesized them for you guys. This is truly part 1 of everything you need to know about positive psychology and how to harness its power for your life. Follow it with part 2 of my course notes for a comprehensive crash course.

It’s been an amazing year of learning -- how to write good content, what type of content you guys like to read, what I like to write myself, etc. It wasn’t the year that I was able to produce content the most consistently, but I hope that is something I’m better able to manage in 2019.

Ultimately, nothing makes me happier or is truer to the mission of this site than helping educate and inspire busy professionals to make simple, permanent improvements to their happiness. Thanks for reading and I hope to see more of you in 2019!

To stay on top of my semi-monthly musings, subscribe to Blue Sky Mind.

What I Learned from “The Science of Happiness,” Yale’s Most Popular Course of All Time (Part 1)

There was a class in college that everyone wanted to take called “The Science of Happiness,” and I always regretted not signing up for it. It's truly my one big regret from college. 

Thankfully, Yale has given me a chance to redeem myself. After the internet blew up over the fact that Yale students were flocking to a course on happiness, the school decided to make it free to the public on Coursera. I jumped at the chance to hear what the latest science has to say about how to live a better, more fulfilling life.

One of the first things I learned in the class: positive psychology is a legitimate scientific field! Social scientists are conducting sophisticated experiments (controlled, randomized, replicated, etc.) every day to reveal the human experiences that contribute to well-being.

I wont wade into the details here, but know that this post is backed entirely by the scientific findings revealed in this course. If you have any interest in sources, please don't hesitate to reach out -- I'd be more than happy to provide.

Now, to the fun stuff! What I learned in “The Science of Happiness,” and how you can benefit from it:

Your brain is a miswanting hooligan

Here’s the big LOL in terms of your brain and happiness: We believe so firmly in the things that we want, or more aptly, the things the brain wants. We believe, without a doubt, that once we get these things, we will finally be happy. You’re probably very familiar with some (or all) of these things the brain typically wants:

• Lots of money

• High-powered job

• Hot body

• Perfect partner

• Social status

I’m certainly guilty of wanting it all. But the crazy (and sad) thing is, the things the brain thinks it wants are usually not the things that end up making us happy. At least, not in any sort of lasting way.

It’s first helpful to understand why this is. There are all of these ways that the brain tricks you into thinking you want or need something. Professor Laurie Santos breaks it down into what she calls the “annoying features of the mind:”

1. Your strongest intuitions are often wrong

This one is perhaps the most baffling to me, because I consider myself to have a higher-than-average amount of self-awareness. It’s something I actively cultivate. But this is an idea I’ve never even considered. What if the things my brain wants are not the things that it needs?

Try a quick exercise on yourself: What wants and desires occupy your thoughts most? How many of your actions and decisions are guided by those desires?

I can honestly say that a lot of my actions are dictated by the desire to achieve a body closer to the beautiful women on social media and fashion blogs. I’ve certainly been seduced by the siren song of social status and “achieving” more of it through buying cool stuff or going on sweet vacations.

The Takeaway: This class taught me that getting the perfect body, landing the perfect job, and/or having a bunch of people jealous of your life will not make you happy.

To myself, I say: The first step to recovery is knowing you have a problem :) 

2. Your brain operates on reference points

This one is a little more intuitive, but so critical to remain aware of.

Our minds absolutely suck at picking relevant reference points. Like yes, it might make sense for you to compare your salary with someone in your exact position, in the same city, who has the same amount of experience and a similar skill set. It does not make sense to compare your salary to your friend working in a completely different profession. It makes even less sense to compare your salary to anyone you see on TV, “reality” or otherwise.

I’ll give you another, more personal, example. I went to college at a place many people have not-so-affectionately termed, “The University of Spoiled Children.” Truth be told, there were a lot of spoiled children running around. I was lucky to grow up in a lovely middle class family in a small town outside of a big city. Looking back on my college experience, it was surely psychologically detrimental for me to be surrounded by the children of millionaires and movie stars. I was surrounded by so much more wealth (and beauty, for that matter) than was appropriate to compare myself to. Even having this wherewithal now doesn't really stop my brain from feeling inadequate when re-confronted with such excess. 

The Takeaway:  Your brain absorbs the reference points it’s exposed to -- indiscriminately. So when you see models on Instagram or crazy rich people on TV, those become your reference points, no matter how ridiculous the comparison.

It’s worth noting that social media is the newest and most egregious perpetrator of this “annoying feature feature of the mind.” Various studies have found that the effect of social media in terms of social comparisons ranges from neutral to bad, but never positive. Definitely something to think about if you're a heavy user. 

3. Your brain adapts quickly & consistently to pleasurable things

This is the part where you’ve finally gotten the thing you wanted. Finally, that promotion or those 10 pounds down. You’re glowing! ...for one week. After that, your brain sets its sights on the things that you still don’t have, or could have, and now want (even if you didn't before).

It’s called the hedonic treadmill. Once you get more money, true love, the perfect body….you just adapt to it. No boost in long-term happiness.

Perhaps the worst part is, we don’t realize this is happening. We lack the inherent self-awareness, and thus wonder why the things that used to make us so happy no longer have the same effect.

You can see a microcosm of this when you’re eating a really delicious meal or dessert. The first few bites are mind-blowing, phenomenal. But by the tenth, a small party isn’t popping off in your brain each time. Yet we keep eating, expecting to get the same jolt of pleasure as we did from the first bite. We end the meal wondering why, if the food was so delicious, we now just feel sick.

There is an upside to this; while the mind is highly obstinate to positive outcomes, it’s also highly resilient to negative ones. Remember that when you don’t get the job (or boyfriend) you’re angling for, or fail to lose those five pounds before your vacation. You won’t be sad for long.

The Takeaway: Contentment in the present moment is key, because looking forward to happiness in the future is an ever shifting goal post.

There are ways to make your brain chill

So what if you do actually find true love or change your lifestyle and suddenly look bangin' in a bikini? These are healthy things to take pleasure in (to a degree, as with everything). So is landing an awesome job or finally making enough money to go on annual vacations.

You want to hang on to the genuine happiness these events bring. So here’s what science has to say about how you can thwart hedonic adaptation and continue to reap the happiness rewards:

1. Savor the good things

The act of savoring is defined by Professor Santos as “the act of stepping outside of an experience to review and appreciate it.” I love this one because it goes hand in hand with mindful eating, something I’m passionate about. There’s a couple of ways you can better savor the good things in life:

• Share the experience with another person

• Talk to someone about it

• Verbally or physically express your joy

• Be fully present in the moment

Here's some important reminders on how not to savor an experience. You'll quicken hedonic adaptation if you think... 

• About what’s next

• How it could be better

• How it will never get any better than this

• That you didn't deserve this

• That it wasn’t as good as you’d hoped

The Takeaway: When experiencing a good thing, try to be in the present moment and avoid social comparisons. 

2. Spend your money on experiences

You’ve probably heard this one a million times. What you didn't know is that there is an abundance of research to back it up. 

Experiences make us happier than things and for a longer amount of time. One study that I found super interesting cited that people actually find you more likable when you’re talking about your experiences versus your things.

I’ve definitely had this happen to me; I easily bond with folks over places I’ve traveled to or even just things I got up to over the weekend. But as soon as I start talking about the pair of shoes I just bought, I see people’s eyes glaze over. The findings are simple; people find you really superficial when you talk about your things, and that leads to a negative character judgement.

The Takeaway: You can avoid being perceived as vain and boost your long term happiness by simply spending your money on experiences. 

3. Practice gratitude

This one’s the easiest! There’s nothing more simple and available to you today, right now, than grabbing a piece of paper and starting to practice “Three Good Things.” All you have to do is write down three things that went well today and why they went well. 

To reinforce this habit on a daily basis, I recommend treating yourself to a special journal that is explicitly reserved for reflecting on all that went well in your day. I get absolutely giddy when I get to pick out a new journal -- I pick something that oozes “me,” something I know will make me happy every time I pull it out of the drawer. For an example of a regular gratitude practice, check out my first Thankful Journal on Blue Sky Mind. 

The Takeaway: Gratitude is one of the cheapest and easiest habits you can introduce to boost your everyday well-being.

4. Try some negative visualization

Employing negativity to increase well-being is something I'd never heard of, but the technique of negative visualization is another backed by science.

All you have to do here is think about what your life would be like if you’d never had certain parts of it: What if you’d never met your partner? What if they were suddenly gone? What if you’d never gotten your current job? Where would you be financially?

I find this useful when I'm headed to the gym for a workout I don't want to do. I think about what it would be like if I didn't have the option to go to the gym, like if I were paralyzed in an accident or bedridden with cancer. The simple act of reflecting on life without the option to do this hard thing makes me understand how lucky I am to get to do it at all. 

The Takeaway: Thinking about the absence of positive elements in our life can help us feel a deeper appreciation for the fact that they are, in fact, still around.

Put “The Science of Happiness” to Use

To do a quick recap, the first few weeks of "The Science of Happiness" focused on why we're so naturally unhappy in our modern lives. This is due to miswanting nature of the brain, egged on by it's various annoying features. 

Fortunately, we found out that there are strategies to overcome some of these annoying features, allowing us to reap the full happiness benefit of our blessing (even if they've come from a place of miswanting). 

If you've made it this far in the post, my challenge to you is this: 

Take note of your miswanting in a given day. Take note of your reference points and of the good things you take for granted in lieu of wanting more or better.

Perhaps start trying to incorporate more savoring, experiences, gratitude, and negative visualization into your week. Where are the moments in your schedule that these naturally fit?

For me, I try to savor every yummy meal and sunny day, with a little smile (even when no one is around) and a thank you to the universe. I practice gratitude every night before I drift off to sleep. I think about experiences when birthdays roll around and I’m looking for the perfect gift for someone. And I employ negative visualization when times are tough and I need a little boost of appreciation.

I’ll be launching Part 2 of this series in the coming weeks, which covers the science of things that actually make us happy. Don’t forget to subscribe to the blog, so you never miss a thing!